Sunday, March 31, 2013

Diary of a Discombobulated Cat

      as told by Klaus                                             

Can you believe it’s Easter already—I just woke up from my long Christmas nap. This cat napping really is demanding, time wise.
 And what’s up with all these chocolate Easter eggs, chocolate bunnies, chickens and all that stuff? Don’t those humans know that chocolate could mean the final curtain call for us in the feline hemisphere? Yeah—one bite and I could be a gonner…
 I remember one day in 1997, I was playing with a spool of thread on the table and I “accidentally” knocked one of those chocolate eggs on the floor. It smashed open and guess what was inside it? Nothing—I mean what good is an empty egg? In my day, eggs always had baby birds or chickens inside them—something in the protein line…
But when it comes to holidays, Christmas is the favorite, in cat culture. The house has a festive red glow; the kitchen is always warm and cozy with the tantalizing aroma of cookies emanating from the oven; colorful cookbooks are opening up everywhere…  And Cora has a boatload of those—there’s “The chocolate Bible,” “the Christmas Treasury,” “The Christmas cookie Encyclopedia,” “The Best Book of Desserts” etc. 
   Sometimes I like to relax under the Christmas tree, since the glow of the lights is just warm enough to keep my batteries purring. But the best thing to do around Christmas, when you’re non-essential personnel like me, is just sit in the family room, doing the couch cat-ato thing. And I can’t, for the life of me, think why they would call it a “couch potato.” I mean, when have you ever seen a potato sitting up on a couch? But when it comes to relaxing, we cats really have it down.                                          
   You know, one day in the Christmas holidays, I saw Cora making out a mile-long list of shopping, cooking, cleaning—you name it… Well a few minutes later, amid all the hustle and bustle, I found her relaxing in the corner of the couch, reading that big dog-eared book that always seems to be lying around. I swear, she gives that book more attention than me. She says it’s called the Bible. No—not “The Chocolate Bible…” Oh, she says it has recipes alright, but only recipes for life, love, joy and peace. Oops, sorry—gotta go… You can read the rest of the story in next week’s Purrrr…sian Press.